You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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