I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
