Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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