Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
no you cant smoke seaweed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
