Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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