My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
