Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Randomize
