took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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