i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You pole danced in your parka.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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