dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
