I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
