There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
