People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
