Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
