Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love you. Go after that dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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