So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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