I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
