I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
