I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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