come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
