Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
