If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
