yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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