a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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