You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
