My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
