and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
