Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
