Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
