where am i from again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
