I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
