No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
