matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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