Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
