she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
