so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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