how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
