peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
