a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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