On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
