Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
