The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
