What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
