Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
