I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
