this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
