He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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