burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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