home. puking in laundry basket.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
