i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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