GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
