we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
