K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
