Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
